Precious mamas, do you remember when you beheld the face of your newborn daughter in the hospital? Or do you remember when you first welcomed your adopted daughter into her “forever home” with you? There are no words to describe the moment. It was precious and perfect.
But then… years pass. Life happens.
Mamas, how would you describe the current condition of your mother/daughter relationship? Has it changed in any way?
Is there “space” between you?
Have you seen the movie, Spanglish?
Spanglish focuses on a young girl, Christina, and her mother, Flor. Flor is a single mother who ends up leaving Mexico to ensure a better life for Christina. Flor ends up finding employment as a house keeper for the Claskys, a wealthy family living in Los Angeles.
Flor does not speak English, but Christina does. Christina impresses Mrs. Clasky with her interpretation skills. As the movie continues, Mrs. Clasky grows quite fond of Christina – which angers Flor. Things get so bad that Flor quits her job. This is Christina’s reaction:
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I chose this clip because there is some major mama/daughter drama going on. Christina tells her mother that she “needs [/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][her] space.” Her mother replies “no space between us.”
I love this. There should be “no emotional space” between a mother and her daughter.
What creates “space” between a mother and daughter?
Beware of the following “space creators”: fatigue, stress, busyness, unmet expectations that we place on one another, conflicting aspirations/goals (like in the Spanglish scene above), impatience, greed, pride, comparison (I wish my daughter/mother was like _____), un-forgiveness, and neglect.
Restoration: the returning of something or someone to their original state.
My prayer is that we will become experts in restoration. So that when there is ANY “space” between you and your daughter (this includes even the teeny, tiniest air bubble), you will be able to restore your relationship back to how God intended it to be.
The Bible is clear: God is for restoration. There are examples of restoration all throughout the Bible. For example, in the New Testament, we read about the Prodigal Son in the book of Luke, chapter 15. In the Old Testament, prophetic books such as Isaiah and Micah, focus on the cyclical nature of Israel’s rebellion, God’s discipline, Israel’s repentance, and God’s forgiveness and restoration of Israel.
Remember: God gave you this particular daughter. He is not a fan of “space” growing between you. We must be diligent about restoration because “space” is destructive.
How to remove “space”:
- Pray continually for your relationship with your daughter. (Proverbs 16:33)
- Why is there “space” between you? Talk through this with your daughter.
- Repent (change direction or stop). Reflect on the space creators I mentioned above. Is there anything you need to say or do differently because it is causing “space” between you and your daughter or vice versa? If so, work together to stop or change whatever is going on. For a refresher on how we are to relate to one another, check out: John 13:35; Romans 12:10,16,18; 1 Corinthians 13; Ephesians 4:1-3,31-32 and 1 Peter 3:8.
- Forgive your daughter or ask her to forgive you. Resentment or indifference creates “space.” (Colossians 3:12-13)
- Move forward. Do not allow a “record of wrongs” between the two of you. (1 Corinthians 13)
Does restoration really matter?
Fellow mama, yes. I think the cross of Jesus Christ, His death, and Resurrection prove that it does.
Restoration matters.
My own mother won her battle with breast cancer 3 years ago when she entered Heaven.
Time is short.
I never thought I’d say “I’ll see you later” to my mother a week after my 37th birthday. But I did. I am thankful that she worked hard at restoring our relationship. When there was “space” between us, it wasn’t there for long. My mother pursued me and her gifts of wisdom, love and forgiveness held me steady on the day she died. Though I miss her, I am free – that is, I am free from what ifs, regrets or shame when I think about our relationship. I know she died feeling the same way.
So mama, what gift do you want to give your daughter? I hope it is the gift of “no space” between you.
May God bless your restoration efforts,
Tracy Steel
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